![]() ![]() Related: How to Deal With a Negative Friend Don’t try to tackle more than one issue at a time or you risk nothing getting done. If they’re constantly interrupting you to complain about something, set a limit around how much time you’re willing to listen (and 0 minutes counts!).Ĭome up with your alternative behavior requests (also known as a “non-annoying” behavior) and prioritize the most important one to start with. If they use something of yours without asking, decide whether you’d prefer they ask first or if you’d like them to not use it at all and tell them. If they play music too late, create a new boundary by asking them to turn down the music or switch to headphones after a certain time. Use this to your advantage by thinking about what you want to ask your roommate to start doing. Research shows that people are much more likely start doing something than stop doing something. In fact, it tends to put them on the defense, so they might even double down on their behavior. Remember that complaints don’t compel people to change or encourage them to do better. Now that you have your list, think about what you’d like your roommate to start doing differently.Ĭreate a new boundary out of your complaint so you can make a firm request. In fact, you may even find them less annoying when they stop overstepping your boundaries!įocus on areas where they seem inconsiderate, thoughtless, or even abusive. This distinction is important because you want to start creating real change around the violations, rather than things that annoy you.Įveryone has quirks or annoying habits and it’s wasted energy trying to change that. ![]() Inviting over someone you don’t like is just annoying. Inviting over people without checking with you first is a boundary violation. Being loud during the day is just annoying. Chewing their food too loudly is just annoying.īeing loud when you’re trying to sleep is a boundary violation. Put together your list of complaints and then separate them into clear boundary violations versus things that are just annoying.Įating your food without permission is a clear boundary violation. Using your stuff without asking and then not returning it (or returning it damaged)? ![]() Try to get as specific as possible! It might seem silly, but it’s helpful to figure out where the issues are so you know how to resolve them.Īre they making noise late into the night even though they know you need to wake up early? Zero in on whatever it is that’s bothering you and make a list. ![]()
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